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TOP 20 SNCKS- 2013 EDITION (NO ORDER)​

1. CHERRY LIMEADE 

2. FROYO

3. PIZZA

4. PEANUT BUTTER

5. FRENCH TOAST

6. POPCORN

7. WHAM BAR

8. DOGS

9. HOT CHEETOS

10. OXYGEN (THANK YOU MOTHER EARTH)

11. BEEF JERKY

12. NUTELLA 

13. LIPS (KISSING)

14. SNACKPACKS

15. BACON CHEESE BURGER

16. H20

17. WAFFLE FRIES

18. STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE

19. PINEAPPLE SLICES

20. CEASAR SALAD

evil bigfoot wizard

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this is an exceprt from my book raddddd which you can get here

8 foot tall big foot with a yeti beard like gandalf

he awakes at night in a forest in the state of oregon

but this bigfoot is an evil wizard bigfoot

he preys on house pets, not for food, but for fun

its 3am and your dog layla is sleeping in the backyard

its 3am and the evil wizard bigfoot casts a spell on your dog layla

layla teleports to the middle of the atlantic ocean

evil wizard bigfoot laughs and walks back into the forest

the next day there is a sign posted on a light pole

‘reward: golden retriever layla’

this is how pets go missing

evil wizard bigfoots

my dream dates

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  • ghost hunting at a scary location
  • going to 7-11 for a slurpee (and that’s all)
  • being in a dark room while listening to old tracks made for snes games
  • walking around the dog park blasting baha men through a boom box together
  • playing hide and seek in dillards
  • exploring abandoned buildings together
  • having a carlton themed dinner
  • getting black eyes together
  • reading the lyrics to hard in the paint to each other
  • sledding down the pyramids
  • switching detachable foots in the future because we are cyborgs
  • watching groundhog day on groundhog day
  • sailing a boat in a grocery stores lobster tank
  • scuba diving in a sewer filled with fruit punch
  • playing catch with a burrito standing on top of tables in taco bells
  • synchronizing our ipods to play stress by justice at the same time while trying to fly a kite in costco
  • sitting on the moon

this is an exceprt from my book raddddd which you can get here

10 Questions I Would Ask To Aliens If They Visited Earth

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I always dream about aliens visiting earth. What if one day they just crash-landed in front of my car as I was driving to taco bell? What if one day I went spelunking somewhere in Oklahoma and found an alien base in a cave? What if one day I am climbing around in a McDonalds play place with my son and I find an alien hiding out next to the slide entrance? Here are 10 questions I would ask them.

1. Can I Drive That Thing? Wow look at that spaceship. Are those 22" rims? They are shinier than Mr. Cleans head and that's really shiny. I like the color you picked out for it, it looks like you colored it after seeing our Rosemary Leaf-beetle Chrysolina Americana. I think Xzibit from Pimp My Ride would be really jealous.

2. Do You Want To Try Some Of My Earth Snacks? Anytime you want to stop by for snacks at my home you are always welcome. There are lot of nice snacks here on Planet Earth. They are human made snacks you can't get anywhere else. Come try our moon pies. Come try some of our Sunny-D, it's the sun in liquid form. Come try snack packs, they are my favorite.

3. How Many Ghost Aliens Are In Space? I know that aliens have to die sometime. Maybe your life form can live up to 2049 years. But still there has to be some dead aliens out there. Do you guys do séances for your dead uncles? I would love to know about all the space battles he has been in or what his favorite space pet was.

4. What Was The Blood Alcohol Content Of The Aliens That Crashed In Roswell? You can't trick me. I know you aliens had to be under the influence of something when you crash-landed that UFO in Roswell. Was it alcohol or is there some secret universe drug that us humans don’t know? Can you get high snorting astral space dust? Please tell me, I think we could create the first human to alien interstellar drug ring.

5. Are Any Of You Disguised As Humans Or Animals On Our Planet? I imagine aliens living among us undercover like in Men-In-Black. I can see you guys sitting back living a human or animal life while observing our species. If so you guys are doing a good job on the disguises. How funny would that be if my dog was actually your alien dad? I take my dogs on walks a lot and he looks into the sky a lot while blinking. Is blinking your secret alien code? You guys can’t trick me I know more than you think.

6. Are All These Mythical Creatures On Our Earth Just Aliens That Got Left Behind? Why did you guys leave your friends here? We love them here but I think sometimes they get frightened and tired of running from us humans here on earth. Sometime I think the Loch Ness monster gets light headed and sometimes passes out because whenever she comes up for air she is always scared of being caught. You can take them with you, I know the Yeti would be happy to live on the moon.

7. Did You Ever Get To See Good Burger? I think you would really appreciate our human creativity in creating secret sauces. There is also a scene in there I think you would enjoy where the 3 dimensional burger from Mondo Burger falls onto Mr. Wheat’s car. It is a true crash landing hamburger. Welcome to good burger home of the good burger, may I take your order?

8. Are There Any Alien Babes In The Universe? I love all babes. I can't wait to see what the alien babes in the universe look like. I am imagining a green skinned Kate Middleton. Wow such a babe. I would use one of Saturn’s rings to propose to her.

9. Which One Of You Guys Played In E.T.? I want to meet him. I want to touch his light emitting finger and get space knowledge so I can be the first extra terrestrial boy on earth. I will make sure the FBI and government don’t know about this. I would be so excited to be an extraterrestrial boy. E.T. I love you.

10. How Many Versions Of Team Rocket From Pokémon Have You Guys Found Floating In Space? It almost seems as if Team Rocket gets launched into space every episode. I can't help to think of them floating forever in space. I think the creators of Pokémon just have dozens of Team Rocket clones ready to be launched into space. I can't wait for us humans to explore space and find the Team Rocket clones in space.

gr9

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everyone knows using the word ‘great’ is better than ‘good’. everyone knows using ‘gr8’ is better than ‘great’, but i have recently discovered an even better way to say ‘gr8’ and its ‘gr9’. i thought about it a while after my finger slipped onto the 9 key instead of the 8 key. what did this mean? i feel like i have discovered an alien burial tomb on mars. i feel like i have to tell everyone my discovery.

gr9 is better than ‘gr8’ in many ways. obviously the first thing of why its gr9er than gr8 is because of the number. mathematically 9 is a higher number than 8. making it truly a gr9 substitute. this is a shift on positive words. make it known to your friends that you feel gr9 today. never say good. if you feel just ‘good’ you are not having a gr9 time in life.

even though saying ‘gr9’ (pronounced ‘gr-ine’) might feel weird. this is directed more towards writing down either on internet posts/chats or (e)mail. i hope you feel gr9 today. tell your cat you feel gr9. tell your favorite snacks you feel gr9. its a gr9 earth we are living on. have fun on it. 

TOP 20 SNCKS (NO ORDER)

  1. SNCKPCKS
  2. FRUIT PUNCH
  3. CHEESE ITZ
  4. CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
  5. FRENCH FRIES
  6. CINNAMON ALMONDS
  7. TACOS
  8. OREOS
  9. TWINKIES
  10. CHEETOS
  11. POWDERED DONUTS
  12. TRAIL MIX
  13. HAMBURGERS
  14. CHOCOLATE BARS
  15. PEACHES
  16. PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH
  17. DORITOS
  18. BUTTER PECAN ICE CREAM
  19. CHEESE DANISH
  20. BLUE BERRY MUFFIN